Bride and Groom Dancing

Husband Goggles

Bride and Groom Dancing
Bride and Groom Dancing, by stellamatilda

Dear Son,

Every good husband or serious boyfriend takes pride in the wisdom, character, beauty, and achievements of his lover:  he wants her (or him) to be Happy, after all.  Sometimes we wear what many men in the Game community call “husband goggles” – we see our lovers as smarter, more beautiful, and more talented that we will ever see other women, and sometimes that means that we see a prettier picture of our wives than reality; love can blind us to a person’s flaws.

I think this is a tribute to the best elements in the nature of Men:  when we love, we love earnestly and innocently.  Where we see flaws in the women we love, we often love them for their flaws, too.  We see them as a chance to prove our worthiness all over again by being strong and compassionate at the same time, by either helping her overcome them, or finding a way to make up for her weaknesses with our own actions.  Men nurture by helping others find ways to be more independent.

That bond of love is not perfect though.  It can be fragile.  A woman who hurts her man with violence, who neglects his sexual needs, or who disrespects and insults him badly enough, and  especially a woman who cheats on her man can break the husband goggles very quickly.  Once the husband goggles come off, a relationship is starting to die, because a man suddenly see flaws he never noticed before written large.  She becomes less beautiful, less witty, less wise, less sweet, and less intelligent in his eyes all in one blow.  A man without his husband goggles on is a very unhappy creature, indeed.  He feels tricked and deceived, and he feels like he is tied to a bad woman – while suddenly noticing all kinds of other available women around him.

(This is no different in a relationship between two Men,)

It takes a lot of very hard work to put those husband goggles back on.  Many couples can’t do the work it takes., and the results are usually divorce, a marriage full of cheating on both sides, or a man who suffers in silence, miserable and unhappy.

Now the bitter irony is that keeping the husband goggles in once piece is not just the your partner’s job – it is one that belongs to both members of the couple.  If a man wants his sexual needs met, he must keep pursuing his lover sexually – he has to flirt with her, take her out on dates, tease her, and do foolish romantic gestures often to keep her feeling desired.  He has to be strong, respectful, and assertive with his woman, too: people test each other’s boundaries all the time., and you have to make sure that yours are firm in order to ensure that she knows that you find a behaviour disrespectful, and disrespect is unacceptable.  If you put up with it, how is she supposed to know you don’t like it?  You also have to be willing to step up and take the lead in little ways, like planning dates, holding meetings, setting plans, handling a good budget, etc.

If you have not set a good tone in your relationship, then it is a lot easier for your woman (or man) to break those goggles of yours.  You have to communicate your boundaries, needs and wants regularly.  You have to make sure the relationship is treated like a work in progress, and spend time with your lover building up love and trust.  You have to also make sure their is playfulness and laughter in your relationship, so that even the boundary testing stays playful.

It doesn’t hurt if you were very careful about choosing a lover with good character to begin with.

With Love,
Dad

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