The other day I reminded myself that these letters don’t all have to be brilliant, deep, or spiritual affairs. Sometimes they can be light, peaceful, or just plain fun.
Today I am just going to share with you fourteen rules I keep in mind in my life, as much to make me laugh and keep me from being serious too serious as anything else. But they are also all valuable rules to live by in their own way.
- Never snub someone who handles your food.
- Never eat anything bigger than your head.
- If you get caught looking, you might as well keep on looking.*
- Never start a fight, but always finish one.
- When in doubt, make someone laugh.
- If you are in a room full of strangers, find out everything you can about the one person who is looking even more awkward feeling than you.
- Never play Wooden Leg or Why Don’t You… Yes But… with anyone. If they ask for your advice and then either refuse to do it well, or just keep turning it down, shrug and let them figure it out for themselves.*
- If a pretty girl asks you for your pants, always oblige.*
- Drink, swear, and scratch yourself… but only enough to endear yourself to the crowd you find yourself with.
- There are three kinds of people so wrong-headed you will never get through to them: radicals, religious fundamentalists, and radiohead fans.*
- Be stubborn and mule headed early in every relationship: it pays for people to see you at your most annoying so that they can decide whether they want to stick around… and whenever you agree with them, they feel like they’ve won something.
- Never get into a drinking contest with a Newfie.
- Never get into a gross-out contest with a nurse.*
- When it comes to moonshine, always ask if they use it to clean cupboards, printer heads, or engine parts. If it is printer heads, then limit yourself to one or two. If it is engine parts, pass.
With a smile,
An asterisk (*) indicates I might have a story that you’re finally old enough to hear.